


if I could call you anything, i'd call you home

by aestivalharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Single Parent Louis, Slow Build, Top Harry, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8317579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestivalharry/pseuds/aestivalharry
Summary: "Just you is more than enough to me, Lou. I promise I won't forget about you," Harry said, and Louis ended up believing him.And of course, he shouldn't have.OR Louis and Harry had been friends since forever, but Harry leaves for college and it destroys Louis, and gives him the best thing he could've had.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, this is probably my first serious fanfiction ever, so don't judge too hard! 
> 
> I misheard a song once of a guy called Nathan Carter, and the lyrics said something completely different, but... I got the title from that song. Kind of (I don't even remember the name).
> 
> Please feel free to point out to every grammar mistake and I'll correct it, English is not my first language. Constructive criticism is totally welcome!

“C’mon, you can do better than that!”

The boy stared at the red ball with those green eyes full of fear, almost as if it was going to become a monster and eat him. Louis couldn't help the soft smile on his face at that. The boy took a deep breath and tried to kick the ball towards Louis again, but it was useless.

“I give up,” the boy informed him, shaking his head frustratedly. “You can keep it, you seem better at it than me.”

It was Christmas morning. It was snowing and it was freezing outside, but no one seemed to care. Almost every kid in the town was outside, playing with the toys they had gotten for Christmas, showing them off to their friends. Louis hadn't gotten much, their family being way too poor for ir. He preferred his sisters having presents – that made him happier. 

“What's your name again? I've never seen you around here,” Louis said him softly, raising his eyebrows at him.

“I just moved in. Last week,” the boy said and shrugged shyly. He hadn't looked at Louis in the whole time theyt had been talking, not even when Louis had approached him because the boy had had no idea of how to kick that ball. “And my name’s Harry,” he added, as if he was embarrassed to say his own name.

“Well, nice to meet you Harry,” Louis hummed simply, a smile on his lips. “I'm Louis.”

And really, the scene was filled with so much innocence, all the innocence the kids had. And that was the scene Louis always replayed on his mind when he was alone, when he was bored out of his mind. And mostly, when he was cuddling with Harry in his bed, watching a movie on Louis’ laptop. All he could think about was Harry’s red cheeks and nose due to the cold, how his eyes seemed to shine, how his lips seemed a bit blue after spending so much time out, how the snowflakes were melting on his hair and making it go wet.

Harry was only eight at that moment. Louis, on the other side, had just proudly turned into a 10 years old boy, and that made him feel like a proper adult. He had two digits on his age, after all. From that day on, there wasn’t a day they didn’t spend together. Louis had decided to show Harry around, play with him so the boy wouldn't feel lonely. He didn't really understand why Harry seemed so sad, and he ended up discovering it was because he missed his old friends and his old house. And Louis promised himself he would make the boy so happy he would forget he was in a different place - and somehow he managed to do it. 

Harry ended up being the best friend he could've asked for. Of course, Louis had made loads of friends through the years in high school, people he got along with perfectly fine. People he could get drunk with and talk and have fun with, but they weren't Harry. He could sit down in the back yard of his house with Harry, looking at the blue sky and talk about nothing and everything, about the newest gossip and about how small they felt compared to how big the universe was. Louis found in Harry someone to lean on when everything seemed to be falling apart, someone who would listen no matter what, and he liked to think Harry felt the same way about him. 

That was why Louis couldn't understand why Harry was leaving him. After ten years of friendship, everything was pretty much the same between them. Harry was now eighteen yeas old, had graduated from high school and he was leaving Louis to go to uni in London. And he knew he was so damn selfish to think about it that way, but he just couldn't help it. It had been his own decision to find a job once he finished high school, mostly because he wanted to support his family somehow. It had been his own decision but now he felt like he was stuck, like he wasn't doing any progress. And everyone had left, all his friends, and all he got left was Harry. But he was leaving as well and Louis couldn't feel more miserable. 

"I promise I'll call you every week. Every day, even. You'll get sick of me calling, but I have to keep you updated, don't I?" Harry said slowly with a small smile. Louis didn't believe a single word.

"Of course you won't. You will, for the first few weeks, but you'll end up forgetting me when you meet your new, cool uni friends. I won't blame you, though. I'm just me" Louis said, sighing dramatically. Harry could only roll his eyes fondly and hug Louis quite tight. And somehow it seemed to comfort him. 

"Just you is more than enough to me, Lou. I promise I won't forget about you," Harry said, and Louis ended up believing him.

And of course, he shouldn't have. Harry left, and he called every day as promised. Louis would tell him all about his day, all the news. And at first Harry would do, too. But conversations started getting shorter and shorter, because Harry was busy studying or going out with his new friends, and in the end, he stopped calling. And Louis had really hoped everything would've been different. He tried to call him a few times, but he only felt like he was bothering him. And at some point, Harry stopped answering. Louis felt so sick the first time it happened. He felt sick and pathetic and lonely, and the only thing he could think of was calling a work mate to go out that night and get so drunk he barely remembered his name. 

He did exactly that. Next morning he woke up with a mouthful of long, brown hair, in a room he didn't recognize. He looked at the girl lying next to him, who was sleeping peacefully, and all he could remember was her lips all over his body and how her green eyes reminded him of Harry, a bit. And for that exact reason, he left her as soon as he got dressed.


	2. Oliver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis meets his new favourite person in the world.

It was June when Harry left, and just a couple of months went by. Louis had been doing the same things for weeks. He would go out every weekend and get so drunk he couldn't even remember his own name, sleeping with different girls and leaving them in the morning without saying goodbye or leave a note. Louis thought that it helped, even if he wasn't even sure what was hurting so much.

The worst day of the week was always Monday. The day were he had to come back to reality, go back to his stupid job in that stupid café, to his stupid, useless life. The day when he realized his life is not even close to fine, even if he thinks it's great when he's drunk. That Monday wasn't different, after all. He was on his lunch break, eating a bacon and egg sandwich as he tried to find a cheap apartment he could afford. Not that he didn't love his family, but after 20 years with them he wanted his own space.

Just then, as he finished his sandwich and was ready to go back to work, his phone rang. His heart missed a bit, because as lame as it sounded, he never stopped hoping it would be Harry, even if he already knew he wouldn't call anymore. And he was right -- unknown number.

"Hello...?" he answered, doubting, biting his bottom lip. Maybe Harry had changed his number. That would explain a lot of things, like why he stopped calling and replying. Right?

"Look, the last thing I wanted to do was to call you. I wouldn't if this wasn't important," he heard a girl talk, and he frowned. He felt a bit of disappointment inside of his chest somewhere.

"I'm sorry, but... who are you?" he asked slowly, because he was really sure it had been a mistake. He was more than ready to tell her to fuck off now.

"I'm Martha, we... spent the night together about a month ago. I got your number from your Facebook page," she explained slowly, and Louis rolled his eyes. Great, now he had a fucking stalker. This phone call was starting to be just amazing. "So, I'm late," she said quickly.

"Then why are you wasting your fucking time talking to me?" he snapped, shaking his head angrily.

"You don't get it. I was supposed to get my period a couple of weeks ago. So I took a pregnancy test. And I can't have a kid right now, Louis," she said, and she sounded so scared. Which made Louis feel terrified. "I have to go the abortion clinic in five days. I need you to pay half of it," she murmured quite quickly, as if she was embarrassed of what she was saying.

 

"No," Louis said immediately, covering his face with one of his hands. His heart was beating way too hard and he knew he was probably going to regret it so much. "Let's talk about it first, yeah?" he hummed, trying to be convincing. He knew he wasn't, maybe because of his shaky voice. Probably.

"You are not telling me you want to have this baby, right?"

He couldn't understand why he was doing it. What was the point on having a kid when he was probably not going to be able to provide for himself? Maybe he just wanted another human being to feel as miserable as he felt. It was so selfish, he knew it, but he couldn't help it.

Martha and him arranged a meeting to talk about it in person. Louis had a few awful days to think about it, to talk with his mum about it. It didn't really help that, after all his rambling about it, his mum only said that she would support him no matter what. For once, he would appreciate a mother that told him how very wrong he was, thank you very much. But it helped to know he wasn't going to be alone.

Most of the time, he wished Harry was there. Harry, with his kind, sweet words, his ways to make Louis feel happy and comfortable and safe. Harry would know what to say to make him change his mind, to stop himself from making the wrong decision. But Harry wasn't there. So maybe making the wrong decision was what Louis needed at that moment.

When the day came, Martha gave in and decided to have the baby, but that was it. She assured him he was the father, because she hadn't had sex with anyone else but Louis in three months. She wouldn't pay child support, she wouldn't even try to show some interest. Louis couldn't even care, since she didn't seem the kind of person he would want to be in his child's life after all.

And Louis' life, suddenly, didn't suck as much as it did before. Soon, he had rented an apartment near his mum's house, with just two rooms and a bathroom plus the kitchen and the sitting room. It was probably way too small, but he couldn't afford anything else with his waiter wage. They said that a kid only needed love anyway, right?

Of course, his mum had to help him decorate and pick the baby's clothes and the colour of the walls ("We are not painting your kid's wall red! Yeah, Louis, it is a cool colour and whatever you want but red is not an option.") They -she- decided to paint them pale green in the end, which should relax the baby and him, and apparently would make the room look bigger. She also bought loads of thing a baby needed, like dummies and nappies and so many stuff Louis couldn't care to think of what they were for just yet. Jay was just great, though. She thought of every damn detail and Louis couldn't be more grateful.

Nine months ended up seeming like nine years. Louis stopped thinking of how useless he felt because suddenly he didn't have the time. He was working loads of extra shifts so he could save some money, and if he wasn't working he was planning. He didn't know the gender of the baby, and his mum had told him it would be great if it was a surprise. So he decided he would wait for that, even if Martha knew.

Once Martha finally called him telling him she was on her way to the hospital, everything fell apart. He got sick twice, and he felt like he couldn't stand up from the bathroom floor. He wanted to hide and cry and regret his choices. Because why in hell did he decided it was a brilliant idea to have a kid when he was only twenty one years old and had no clue of how to even hold a baby or change a nappy?

In the end Jay had to drag him to the hospital, and somehow, he wished Harry was there. Harry, in who he had barely thought those months, who was probably way too happy being oblivious of how Louis' life was turning. Harry, who could make him relax with just a couple of words and a hug. Damn Harry. Jay was telling Louis that he could still give the baby away if he wasn't ready, and Louis could only think of stupid Harry instead of making his mum shut up.

Martha took almost twelve hours to give birth to a beautiful baby boy. Louis was the first person to ever hold him -apart from the doctors, of course- and he held him so close to his chest, and he didn't want to let him go ever again. And all his doubts were gone, and he knew he could make it. He decided to call him Oliver, all of sudden. He was now his favourite person in the whole world, and he was so, so happy at that moment.

Louis was able to take Oliver home that night, and all his family was in his small, really small apartment. It was overwhelming, but Oliver was asleep and seemed quite happy. He was completely bald and wearing a yellow onesie that looked a bit big on him, and Louis was totally endeared -and scared out of his mind, but no one had to know that-.

Lottie had decided the moment she had seen Oliver that his name was way too rough for him. Louis wanted to strangle her because what did she know if she was only 14? But, once again, she probably knew more than him. He hadn't even tried to be a proper babysitter for his sisters when he was younger. Lottie at least did.

"We should call him Ollie. It's cute and soft!" she tried and Louis sighed in annoyance.

"His name is Oliver and you should call him like that. End of story."

"Oliver will be great when he is old and stubborn and a pain in the arse like you. But for now, he's only a baby. He doesn't deserve that name," she murmured as if she had already won that fight. And he was going to reply to her, say the best comeback ever -she had just called _him_ a pain in the arse. _The nerve_ -. But before he could open his mouth, he heard Oliver crying from Jay's arms and the rest of the world didn't matter at all.

"I think Ollie is hungry, Louis," Jay muttered slowly. "Come here, I'll show you how to prepare his bottles," she added before he could roll his eyes at the nickname of his son.

The first few months were the hardest months Louis had to go through. Oliver was great, and Louis loved him so much sometimes he felt his heart was going to explode. He was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him, but he... he cried a lot. Louis had no clue what he was supposed to do, he didn't know what he needed and he tried everything before he did the right thing. Louis couldn't sleep at night properly, he got worked up all the time because he felt like he was the worst parent to ever walk the Earth. Jay was an amazing help, but still, he felt like he couldn't keep his boy happy, no matter how hard he tried.

But when Oliver turned four months old, everything started being easier. Maybe because Louis began to know him better, he began to know if he cried because he was hungry or because he just missed Louis. And still, he barely slept at night, but it was okay because he got to see Oliver's smile and chubby legs and arms and that was all he could care about. He also learned how to manage his money to be able to give him everything he need, even if that meant Louis had to go through with those latest Adidas shoes he wanted so badly.

It was a sunny day in the English summer, and Louis couldn't get enough of those days before the rain started again. Oliver loved being out as well, so Louis had taken him out for a walk. The baby had fallen asleep in his buggy just two minutes after going out of the door, and Louis couldn't help but roll his eyes fondly. They went to a park near his apartment, full of kids with their parents on the playground and people walking with their couples or their dogs. Louis sat down on a bench and started playing with his phone as Oliver slept, thinking the fresh air and the sun was good for them both.

"I leave you for one year, and you have a kid? You don't lose your time do you?" a voice, a really deep and familiar voice.

Louis looked up from his phone, not being able to believe it.

"Go away, Harry."


	3. Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis finally talks with Harry. Kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know what I did and deleted the first chapter, so I had to post it again. The lovely comments were deleted with it so I'm really sorry for that, I can't seem to be able to handle ao3 just yet. I also had a problem with my computer, who decided it was a great idea to reset when I hadn't saved this chapter. But here it is!
> 
> I wanna say thanks to all of you for the kudos and the comments and reading. Also, special thanks to Brittany for being so great to me! ♥

"Go away, Harry."

But of course, Harry had never been the one to listen to Louis. Because he knew him so well. He knew Louis didn’t want him to go away, not really, even if Louis himself thought he did. Louis couldn’t look away as Harry sat down in the bench next to him, because he was smiling shyly and it reminded him of when he was just a little boy and they were starting to know each other.

Harry put aside the book he was holding as he looked at Oliver, who was still deeply asleep. His smile only grew bigger, because Harry had always been such a sucker for babies.

“He’s so beautiful, Lou,” he told him, and Louis frowned because Harry’s tone of voice suggested pity to Louis, and he couldn’t take pity from him. There was nothing to be pitiful about, thank you very much. He knew he was probably just imagining stuff, looking for reasons to hate Harry. “He has your nose,” he pointed out with a smile.

“Now you’re insulting him. Poor baby, damned to live with that thing for the rest of his life,” Louis joked, and seriously, _what?_ Wasn’t he mad at Harry? Why was he fucking joking around him? Maybe because he was too weak when they complimented his son. Probably.

“That’s just awful, Lou. His nose is great, just like yours. Not too big, not too small. Just perfect,” Harry stated with a smile, and Louis couldn’t help his smile as well. _Damn._ “Your mum won’t stop talking about him. Mum’s told me they talk almost every day, and that Jay mentions him at least three or four times. She’s counted them,” Harry explained with a small chuckle. Louis knew the feeling of wanting to talk all the time about Oliver, so he couldn’t really blame her.

“Well, at least they talk every day. At least your mum didn’t stop answering the damn phone when you left,” Louis murmured and looked away, now focusing on the way Oliver’s chest was moving up and down as he breathed in his sleep, something he always found so relaxing. This time it didn’t work at all.

“I know, I know. You’re angry,” Harry said, pointing the obvious and Louis huffed because he didn’t even sound like he was sorry at all.

“Of course I’m angry, Harry. I’m so fucking mad at you right now. I’ve been so mad at you for the past year, because you promised, remember? You promised to call and to not forget about me!” Louis exclaimed, standing up from the bench now.

“I didn’t forget about you. I would never be able to forget about you.”

“And you know what? You can keep your shitty excuses and your smiles and your jokes and your stupid compliments,” he said, just ignoring whatever he was trying to say. Because he knew that if he listened to him, he would end up forgiving him just like that. And he didn’t want to forgive him at all. “Just… leave me alone. I don’t know why on Earth you thought I wanted to talk to you in the first place,” he grunted and started pushing the buggy so he could get away from Harry.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t just sit there and listen to every single excuse Harry was going to say, because what was the point? They were only that, excuses. Louis could hear how Harry called his name one last time, but he just easily ignored him.

“He’s an arse, isn’t he?” Louis asked Oliver. The baby just sighed in his sleep, and that was enough for Louis to know he was right.

And that could’ve been it. Louis could’ve told Harry to leave him alone and never deal with him ever again. But it was so easy to say, and so hard to do. That night he tried so hard to focus on Oliver and not think of anything apart from his son, when he would normally wouldn’t need to try at all – he would do it naturally.

But then Oliver was asleep and Louis was left completely alone like every night, watching shitty shows in TV and still not think of Harry. Of how his hair had grown quite a lot in a year and how much he had changed. He was taller now, and his face looked more like an adult than a chubby baby – Louis was aware it already looked adultish before he left, but he just _couldn’t_ accept Harry was growing up.

And somehow, he felt like he hadn’t just changed physically. His clothes were different now, and he looked way more confident. He talked like he was more confident, too. And it made Louis quite happy, to think he was starting to be his true self and like it. And at the same time, it made him a bit jealous, because Harry was only his true self with his family and Louis.

So, in the end, he spent the whole night thinking of Harry, not being able to focus on what Simon Cowell was saying to that contestant in The X-Factor, just on how green Harry’s eyes looked that day and how long and curly his hair was.

After a couple of hours, he got tired of watching TV, so he went to bed. He was plugging his phone so he would have battery in the morning, when he saw Harry had texted him.

_‘Good night, Lou. x’_

And it literally broke his heart. Because Harry used to text him good night before going to bed since he got his first phone, and he never forgot, not a single time. Not even when he dropped his phone in the toilet –the idiot– and he didn’t get a new one until the next week. He just borrowed Anne’s phone to text Louis and he thought it was the cutest thing anyone had done for him. But then he went to college.

He didn’t reply to the text. He couldn’t find the strength to do it, even less when the last text Harry had sent him before that one said that he couldn’t get the phone because he was studying with his friends in the library. And the one before that said he was in a party. He could only read excuses to not talk to Louis, saying how sorry he was. And Louis should’ve definitely deleted all the messages a few months ago.

He could barely sleep that night, because Oliver was waking up all the time still and he couldn’t stop thinking of Harry. Not the greatest combination of them all. Once Oliver didn’t seem to want back to sleep in the morning, he fed him and gave him a bath. After that he drove him to Jay’s house, because he had a mum he didn’t deserve who stayed with Oliver in the mornings so he could go to work and not pay a babysitter.

“Hey mum,” he said softly, placing Oliver in the crib that was in the sitting room so he could take a nap. “I just changed him so he should be fine for a couple of hours. He’ll be asking for a bottle in an hour or so though, because he barely had breakfast.”

“You do realise I’ve had been taking care of him for five months already, right? You tell me the same every single morning you drop him here, but I promise I know how to take care of him already. Even more after taking care of you and your sisters,” Jay teased softly, pressing a soft kiss to his head.

“I know, sorry,” he said and took a deep breath as he filled the kettle with water and started making tea for the both of them.

Jay looked at Louis as if she was trying to decide what to say. And Louis knew why. Because Harry was back and she didn’t know if it was for the best to tell Louis or not. Louis didn’t say anything though, because he really didn’t want to talk about it at all.

“So… Anne’s invited all of us to have dinner at her place. You and Oliver too,” Jay said finally. Anne knew Oliver, because no matter how mad Louis was at Harry, Anne had been like his other mum, and even if her son was gone, Louis wasn’t going to stop talking to her just like that. “Harry is going to be there, too. He came back for a couple of weeks. He might explain later to you,” she added.

“I… I can’t go, mum. I’m… I… I have this thing to do,” he lied, because the only plan he had that night was watching those reruns of Friends on TV. “Tell Anne I’m sorry, yeah? And save me some roasted chicken if she makes that, I love it,” he said with a weak smile.

“You know you can’t be mad at him forever, right?” Jay told him sternly. _Try me_ was all Louis wanted to say, but Jay kept talking then. “And even if you don’t want to see him, this is not about him. This is about Anne being nice and making dinner for all of us. You really should go.”

“But mum, I –“

“Be there after you leave work. I’ll be there with Ollie already. Now, go. Or you’re going to be late,” she said and turned around, because she knew Louis would try to fight her and that was the best way to let him know she wasn’t going to listen.

“I didn’t even have my tea!” he protested.

“Go!” Jay said simply once more time and left the sitting room. Louis could only roll his eyes at how stubborn his mum was. Like mother, like son, though.

“Love you Ollie,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss Oliver’s head before he left for work.

And he was definitely not ready for that night. He definitely didn’t want to go there and face Harry, but he had to. Anne had always been loving and caring to him, offering to stay with Oliver if Jay couldn’t, always been there for him.

After work, he went home to have a quick shower and change his clothes, getting skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and his vans, not even bothering in doing his hair. And then he drove to Anne’s house, nervous and a bit upset and only wanting to go home and cuddling with his son until he felt okay again.

Harry was the one to open the door, of course. And he had Oliver in his arms. And it hurt so much to see, because he wished Harry had been there with him and Ollie all those five months. 

“Hey, Lou,” he greeted, all happy and smiling. Louis only wanted to go away. “Come on in, dinner’s on the table already,” he said.

Louis didn’t say anything, making clear he was still pretty much angry at him by just took Oliver from his arms. The baby made a pout, because of course he liked Harry more than his own dad. Harry stepped aside so Louis could come in, and he could hear him sighing, but he didn’t care one bit.

Everyone was in the dining room already, waiting for Louis to start with his diner. Jay and his sisters were there, as well as Anne and Robin. And finally, there was this boy he had no idea of who he was, with short, blonde hair pulled back, brown eyes and a sweet smile as he talked to Phoebe, who seemed endeared.  

“Louis, this is Alex. I met him in college,” Harry said softly, and Louis couldn’t help frowning because he had never expected to meet Harry’s friends now. He immediately hated him, because he was probably one of the people Harry ditched him for. “Al, this is Louis, my best friend,” he said.

Louis looked at Harry when he said that, and he wanted to punch him in the face. He had no right to call him _his best friend_ , never again.

“Nice to meet you. Harry wouldn’t stop talking of you,” Alex said, and Louis gave him a fake smile. “Not even in our first date, which was really awkward,” he added.

And Louis actually gasped. He had never expected Harry to bring his boyfriend home and introduce him to Louis.

“Well, he never talked to me about you. Don’t be upset though, he never talked to me about anything, not for a year,” he said, and he was really trying to hurt Harry now. Because he hated this, he hated everything.

Harry looked like a lost puppy then, and everyone was frowning at Louis but he couldn’t get to care. He just wanted to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments with constructive criticism are more than welcome! x


	4. Fifa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis gets invited to play Fifa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am again! Thank you once more for the kudos and the comments! Those who wanted drama, don't worry, you're going to get loads of it. Not just now, though, you have to a bit patient :)   
> Hope you like it!

Louis barely talked during the dinner. He sat down between Anne and his mum, Oliver now resting in his buggy, asleep already. Alex and Harry didn’t stop telling everyone stories from college, from how they met –pretty cliché, if you asked Louis: in the library as they were looking for a book in the same section- and how they started falling in love. And honestly, Louis could only hear so many cheesy stories without alcohol in his body. So he stopped listening at some point, focusing instead on counting the peas and the carrots in his plate with his fork.

After that, he offered to do the dishes. Everyone in the room wanted to talk and keep having fun while Louis just wanted to hide and not have to deal with Harry and _Alex._ Alex, who was nice and lovely and fun. And Louis was really trying to hate him, but he couldn’t, which made him even angrier at the situation. So he hid in the kitchen with so many plates and cutlery he would need at least half an hour, if he tried hard enough.  

Louis had never been a lucky person, though. Not really. He had only washed two plates and dried them when Harry appeared on the kitchen, quiet. Louis was singing an advert he had heard on TV that morning, all distracted on cleaning the dish properly.

“Do you need a hand?” Harry asked, and Louis actually jumped in surprise. As if he couldn’t be more pathetic than being caught all concentrated on washing a _dish_ , something he usually did without even thinking.  

“Jeez, Harry,” he whined, looking at him with a frown. “When did you become so quiet? You used to trip with your own feet!” Louis protested. Harry was laughing, though, even if Louis was actually a bit angry. And Louis had always had a soft spot for Harry’s laugh, and he couldn’t help a smile. _Amazing._

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to scare you,” Harry promised, getting closer to Louis and leaning against the counter, looking down at all the dishes. Louis just kept quiet before he started cleaning the plate in his hands once more, the smile wiping off his face almost immediately. “So, I’m assuming you don’t like Alex,” Harry said suddenly, biting his bottom lip.

“I do like him,” he replied simply, trying to make obvious he didn’t want to keep talking. He really prayed Harry would just leave. But again, he was not a lucky person.

“Louis…” Harry tried once more, and Louis could only shake his head to cut him, to stop him from talking.

“Why are you even here, Harry? Why do you care? You spent more than a year without talking to me at all, and suddenly you’re worried I might not like your boyfriend? Well, this might be good for you then. He’s great, and you have my blessing to keep dating him. Was that what you wanted me to say? Huh, Harry?”

“That’s not what I want, Lou. I want… I want you back, is it so hard for you to see? I want you back in my life. And I’m really, really trying, but you keep pushing me away,” Harry said, looking up at him.

“You wouldn’t need to want me back if you hadn’t kicked me out in the first place. So now, please. Leave me alone. I’m busy.”

And surprisingly, Harry listened to him for the first time. He didn’t add anything else before he left the kitchen, and Louis was supposed to feel relief because he was finally closing that chapter of his life. The thing was, he only felt sadder. Because if that was the way it ended, it totally sucked.

Once he was done with the dishes, he came back to the sitting room, where everyone was playing Jenga, talking and laughing. Louis sighed and bit his bottom lip, watching them play for a couple of minutes before he announced he was leaving.

“Why, Lou? Stay a bit longer!” Jay tried, and Louis shook his head slowly.

“I’m just… Oliver won’t stop waking during the night and I barely sleep. I don’t want to be wrecked tomorrow,” he lied, and he knew it was awful to use his son as an excuse, but he just needed to go away.

“Hey, Louis? Harry and I are going to invite a couple of mates and play some Fifa and eat pizza tomorrow. Do you want to come?” Alex said suddenly, and Louis raised his eyebrows. He looked at Harry, who seemed focused on which block to remove next. Faking, of course.

“I really appreciate it, but… I have a kid. It’s not like I can sit down and play Fifa whenever I want. Thank you, anyway,” he said. He was definitely an awful father, always blaming his kid.

“Shut up, Louis. Drop him at my house before you come here, you know I love having him,” Jay said suddenly. Louis loved his mum to death, he really did. He just wished she would know him better sometimes. Or that she wouldn’t try to get him a social life. He was more than happy with just being with Oliver for the rest of his life, thank you very much.

“That’s great!” Alex exclaimed, and he seemed truly happy about it. Which made it even worse.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be here. Harry can text me details” Louis gave in.

He couldn’t say no when everyone was looking at him, when Alex looked so damn excited. And Harry… Harry had hope in his eyes. Louis hated it. And that was why he took Oliver, said his goodbyes and left as quickly as he could.

Next day he got a bath with Oliver and then started to get ready while the baby took a nap. He had really tried to find an excuse to not go, but at the same time, he was kind of excited. It had been ages since the last time he had done something that was just for fun. He decided to just ignore Harry and have a good time with the rest of the people who were going to be there. That should be easy.

_‘Be here around five._

_Good night, Lou. x’_

That had been the text Harry had sent him the night before. It hurt Louis, because Harry was still going to be nice to him after being an arsehole. And maybe, just maybe, he truly deserved a second chance. Or at least, he deserved to explain what had happened. Louis’ mind was a mess.

He dropped Oliver at his mum’s, kissing all over his face, reminding him that he loved him and that he was going to miss him loads and loads. It was the first time he was leaving him for something that wasn’t work related, and he felt extremely guilty. Jay had to kick him out of the house when she realised Louis could actually start crying.

Alex was the one to open the door with a wide smile once Louis knocked. He actually hugged him, and Louis would be embarrassed if it wasn’t because of how comfortable Alex looked. He was way too friendly, and he could understand why Harry liked him. Alex led him to the sitting room, and everyone was there already.

“Louis, this is Niall, and this is Liam,” Alex said, introducing them. Niall had a huge smile on his face as he shook Louis’ hand, while Liam’s face was more relaxed. Louis wasn’t nervous at all.

“Anne invited us all to stay over for a few days. She’s so cool,” Niall explained, as if Louis had asked. He just nodded, smiled and sat down next to Liam, looking at Harry with a small frown.

He knew he had to talk to him. He didn’t know how to approach him though. Not when he had told him to leave him alone not even twenty four hours ago.

The evening was really, really nice. They all played Fifa, and talked and ate crisps and sweets and had a good laugh. Louis found Niall was extremely funny and he couldn’t stop laughing whenever he opened his mouth, even that time he just burped. Liam was kind of the same, just a bit –a lot– less loud than Niall. Alex was still as nice and lovely as the night before, and Louis was starting to accept that he really liked the boy.

Harry remained quiet most of the time, though. Which made Louis feel quite uncomfortable. When he had said he wanted him to leave him alone, he hadn’t meant _stop talking around me_. He wondered if Alex was noticing, if he knew. He didn’t really seem to care, though.

“Okay guys, it’s been great but I really need to go. Ollie has to be in bed in like…” he started saying, looking at his phone. “… in ten minutes,” he said and sighed. He was definitely the worst father in the world, forgetting about his son like that. “Harry, can you show me the way?”

And Harry definitely knew Louis didn’t need to be shown the way. Mostly because he had spent as much time in that house as he had in his own, he knew every corner and every room like his own hand.

“Sure,” Harry said as he stood up from the couch, following Louis to the door. Louis could hear the other lads saying their goodbyes as they just kept focused on the screen. “So…?” Harry started once they were alone, looking quite nervous.

“I would like to say thank you for inviting me over, and… to say sorry. For yesterday, and the day before,” he said, biting his bottom lip.

He wasn’t saying Harry was forgiven. He wasn’t saying Harry and him were the best friend in the world again, that they would take their relationship right where they left it and that those months in which Harry had not spoken to Louis were forgotten. But it was a start. And Harry was completely beaming.

“It’s okay. I totally understand, but please… I want… no, I _need_ you to let me explain myself. I know I have no excuse and that I was a shitty friend, but I have to tell you what happened. Just… please,” Harry tried.

Louis seemed to think about it for a few seconds, sighing. And he knew he was going to regret it. He was just feeling awful for the way he had been treating Harry, and he knew Harry would kick him out of his life once more. But Harry had been his best friend since he was ten, and now he literally had no friends since he became a father. Just Oliver, if that counted.

“Okay,” he said finally, taking a deep breath. “But I have a few conditions,” he was quick to add.

“Of course, Lou. Whatever you need,” Harry said, nodding his head eagerly.

“It’ll be in my place. Tomorrow night, at seven. And you must cook and bring cookies because you know I loved them,” he said, a soft smile on his face. “I’ll text you the address,” he added before he turned around and walked towards the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! xx


	5. Happy little boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry have dinner and talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> So, first of all, thanks for the kudos and the comments! ♥ I'm trying to update at least once a week, sometimes it's really hard to find some proper time to write.
> 
> Now, from now on there'll be mentions of an abusive relationship. I don't think it's too bad, but if you're sensitive to this, I would recommend you to stop reading. x
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis would lie if he didn’t say he was nervous as hell. His hands were shaking quite a lot as he tried to cook an edible dinner, his heart was beating way too fast and he felt like he needed to go to the toilet all the time, which was definitely not convenient. The only thing that distracted him a bit was Oliver, who was laying down in his play mat and babbling.

He had everything ready at seven. He had tried to cook some turkey with mashed potato and vegetables, calling his mum so she would guide him through it because he had absolute no idea of how to do it. In the end, it was all ruined. He overcooked the turkey to the point it was as hard as a rock and the potatoes were way too salted. He could only feel frustrated and even more nervous.

He ended up cooking some pasta with greeted cheese, and if Harry didn’t like it, well. Louis would tell him to fuck off. If he was going to sit there and listen to his excuses, Harry definitely could eat that damn dinner.

Harry knocked on the door of his tiny apartment at seven o’clock, because he had always hated to be late. Louis’ heart missed a beat and he had to take Oliver from the play mat to keep himself calmed down.

“Hi, Lou,” Harry said once Louis opened the door, his smile wide and looking happy. “Hi, Ollie!” he added, so excited. Oliver squirmed happily at the attention.

But Louis had not expected Alex to be right there with Harry. He had expected to have some time alone with him, some time alone to properly talk with him. He liked Alex, don’t get him wrong, but… he wasn’t comfortable having him there, listening to everything Louis would probably need to say.

“Come on in,” Louis said, faking a smile.

“Oh, no. I’m leaving now, I just wanted to make sure Harry arrived safely. He always gets lost, I don’t know why,” Alex explained with a small chuckle, and Harry looked beyond embarrassed. On the other side, Louis was so relieved.

“Are you sure? I think I have enough dinner for you too,” Louis said, just trying to be polite. But it was so obvious he didn’t want him there, he wanted Harry’s complete attention. He deserved it after one year of having none, after all.

“Yeah, I am. I’ll come pick him up later,” Alex said simply, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s lips and then turning around and leaving.

“Wow, I think you’re a baby again. He needs to pick you up, really?” Louis teased, looking up at Harry with raised eyebrows. Instead of replying, Harry just shrugged with a shy smile as he got into the apartment.

“So… you live here,” Harry murmured as he looked around him.

“I do. It’s not like I can afford something else, though,” he said with a shrug. Louis had never minded his flat. It was way too small, he knew that, but it really felt like home. Probably because Oliver was there with him all the time.

“I made the cookies, as you ordered,” Harry said quickly, just wanting to change the subject. “But you can only have them if I can hold Oliver,” he added with a smirk, offering him the box in his hands.

“Who do you think I am, trading my own son for cookies?” Louis huffed, but he just couldn’t help it. He grabbed the box with one hand while Harry took Oliver.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him,” Harry said with a small laugh. Oliver was totally endeared with Harry, looking so happy since the moment he was in his arms. _Of course._

Louis just smiled at Harry and led him to the kitchen, serving the cookies in a plate so they could have them after dinner. The other man was speaking a whole conversation with Oliver, asking him loads of stupid questions like ‘ _who’s the best boy?’_. The baby replied with babbles and squirms, which made Harry’s face light up. Louis watched them for five whole minutes, feeling how his heart was starting to melt.

“Haz, I’m sorry. I need to put him to bed, it’s so late already,” Louis whispered because he actually hated to interrupt the “conversation”. They both had looked so happy.

“Can I do it? You have done it since he was born, I think it’s my turn now.”

Louis rolled his eyes and sighed, nodding his head. He got closer to Oliver and pressed a soft kiss to his head, smiling softly at him and saying goodnight to him.

“You just need to lay him down and turn off the light. His teddy is in the cot, so make sure it’s close to him because he hates not feeling it. His room is the one in the left, mine is the one on the right,” Louis explained and Harry nodded his head slowly before he left the kitchen.

Louis bit his bottom lips as he turned around to start heating the pasta, turning on Oliver’s monitor just in case the baby cried because Louis wasn’t the one putting him to bed.

“Goodnight, Oliver. Wish me lucky with your daddy,” he heard Harry say, and he raised both eyebrows at that. He didn’t know what to think, but he was definitely not going to ask.

Harry came back after a couple of minutes, and he knew why. Harry had been looking at Oliver as he fell asleep. And he didn’t blame him at all, because he liked to do that exact same thing. Oliver, who was usually quite loud, suddenly was so quiet and so calmed, and it was so relaxing to watch him.

“He’s so good, Lou,” Harry complimented as he sat down in a chair, and Louis smiled proudly, because he knew he was. He was amazing. “Huh… where’s the mother? If you don’t mind me asking?” Harry asked carefully.

“She’s… she didn’t want him,” he said with a small shrug. He wasn’t about to tell Harry the whole story, about Martha. He wouldn’t care after all.

“But… how…? God, Louis! He’s so great, he’s such a loving and happy little boy! Everyone should want him,” Harry said, and he was actually pouting. Louis knew Harry was mad, though. And Louis had been mad at first, too, but he knew he had to respect her wishes.

“She only gave birth because I asked her to. She doesn’t really know what she’s missing, she never even hold him,” Louis explained, finally walking towards the table and placing two big bowls of pasta there. “I try my very best to keep Oliver happy and love him as much as two people, so he doesn’t feel like someone’s missing.”

Harry just nodded his head and he seemed like he wanted to push it, but he didn’t. And Louis was quite grateful for that, because he was probably not going to be able to explain Harry how hard it was without crying.

“You’re doing a great job,” Harry said simply with a reassuring smile, and it felt so nice to hear that from someone that wasn’t his mum. Louis just nodded, not really trusting his voice in that moment.

Harry took his fork and started eating the pasta slowly. They didn’t talk for quite a long while, but they didn’t need to. Louis and Harry never needed to talk with each other, the silence always being so comfortable. Maybe Harry wasn’t as gone as Louis had initially thought.

“So… have you ever wondered why… why I never came back, until now?” Harry asked suddenly, biting his bottom lip.

Louis raised his eyebrows at that, because he hadn’t. He had just assumed Harry was so busy with his new cool friends that he didn’t even want to see his own mother –he knew that wasn’t true, because Anne visited him often and he adored his mum–.

“Why, Harry?” he asked back.

“You,” Harry said simply, and Louis actually gasped.                             

“So now it’s my fault. Of course,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“No, Louis. Listen to me, yeah?” Harry tried, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. “You were my best friend, Louis. You really were. I couldn’t stop talking about you because I missed you so much and I wished so badly you were there with me.”

“So you decided to stop talking to me, so it wouldn’t hurt as much,” Louis said sarcastically, which made Harry sigh.

“You’re so wrong about this, Lou…”Harry whispered. “I… I met Alex a couple of weeks after starting college, yeah? He told you I wouldn’t stop talking about you in our first date, remember? Just imagine how much it hurt him I was talking about some other guy in our first date,” Harry said slowly.

And of course, he wasn’t understanding him at all. What was even worse, it hurt. It hurt he was just _some other guy_ , when just two minutes earlier he was his best friend.

“I really liked Alex, though. He said he didn’t want to have a second date with me, but I insisted. He said yes, with the only condition I would stop talking about you in our dates, and I agreed,” Harry kept talking, and Louis didn’t even want to listen to it anymore. “As I… kept dating him, he… kept asking me things. He kept asking me to stop texting you so much and to stop calling you so much. If I was in front of him when you called, I… he asked me to not answer the phone. And I just complied. He asked me not to come, because he didn’t really wanted me to see you.”

“So, what you’re telling me, is that you just did what Alex asked you to do?” Louis said slowly. Harry shook his head.

“No, it’s more complicated than that. He’s… quite jealous. He hates the idea of me being here right now, alone with you. He knew how… attached we were to each other, and all he asked was for me to step back a bit,” Harry said, and Louis couldn’t actually believe what he was listening to.

“Then you choose a guy over me. A guy you just met over your best friend. The one you had known since you were eight!”

“That is not what happened. I just… I wanted to show Alex how much I cared about him, how serious I was about us.”

“Of course, Harry. Yeah, okay,” Louis said simply and he was so fucking mad. He couldn’t understand why he would just let a guy control his life like that.

“Okay…?” Harry wondered with a small frown, because of course he didn’t believe Louis was buying that.

“I know I’m not good enough. I know I have a shitty job and a boring life that is focused on a five months old kid. On the other hand, Alex is great, he goes to college and will have a brilliant future. Of course you would choose him if you had to,” Louis snapped, standing from the chair.

“Louis, that’s not true. You’re so great too, and I didn’t choose anyone. I just… I forgot.”

And that was it. He couldn’t do this, he just couldn’t.

“Get out of my house.”

“What? No, Louis, I didn’t mean that! I just m-“

“I don’t want to fucking listen to your words, Harry! You choose him over me in the moment you totally stopped talking to me. So now, you can go to him and cry and keep forgetting about me because I’m done with this. I’m done with you,” he said, and Harry gaped, trying to find the words to say.

“Lou… please, let me-“

“Get the hell out of here, Harry!” he ended up screaming, and then he could hear Oliver crying. “Fucking great,” he groaned.

And he just left the kitchen and went to Oliver’s room, trying to calm down the baby. He had hoped Harry would make him feel better, would give him an explanation that made sense to him, but he didn’t. All he did was make him feel like trash, something that wasn’t worth it.

He held Oliver so close to his chest, and he would never admit those two or three tears that streamed down his face. After ten minutes, when the baby was finally asleep in his arms, he went back to an empty kitchen. Harry had left, and of course, it only made Louis feel even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are more than welcome xx


	6. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry spends a couple of crappy weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again! Sorry this took so long, I had to rewrite it a few times and I'm still unsure, but well. 
> 
> I saw in the comments everyone was siding with Louis, so I hope this will help you to understand Harry a bit better. I'm probably going to write more chapters in Harry's point of view, but this fanfic will be mostly in Louis'. :)
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the comments and the kudos! And of course, for reading ♥

Harry had not been expecting that kind of reaction from Louis. He had expected him to understand, he had expected some help and getting his best friend back. Instead, all he got was an even angrier Louis, and he could definitely not deal with that.

He was crying by the time he was in the street, wiping his eyes. It wasn’t fair, he just wanted Louis back. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself down, without succeeding. Instead, he pulled his phone out to call Alex so he would pick him up.

 “Harry? Are you okay?” he heard his voice behind him and Harry actually jumped, not knowing he was there.

“Oh, huh… yeah,” he said, wiping his eyes once more and looking at him with a weak smile.

“Are you sure? You’re crying,” Alex pointed out, frowning.

“Yeah, just… Oliver was crying because he didn’t want me to leave, but he had to go bed. It just affected me a bit,” he lied, but he knew Alex would buy it. He never knew why Harry was actually crying, anyway.

Alex doubted for a second before he put an arm around his waist and kissed Harry’s cheek, trying to make him feel better. If he only knew.

“You can see him again tomorrow, don’t worry love.”

The thing was, Harry had never told Alex why he was going to Louis’ house. Not really. He just told him they had to catch up, after so much time without talking. He had had to beg for hours –and give him a blowjob– so Alex would allow him some time alone with Louis, after all. He wouldn’t let him go if he said he wanted to tell Louis how his jealousy had made him stop talking to him at all.

“Why were you here already, anyway? I thought you were going to wait until I called you,” he said with a frown. He knew how protective Alex was of him, and at first it was so, so amazing. Now it was only annoying.

“I know, I just… I didn’t want to leave. Just in case you needed me,” he explained, leading Harry to his car. Alex was so sure Louis was in love with Harry and he didn’t want Harry to go through an uncomfortable situation. (“ _If he tries to kiss you or tells you he loves you, I’ll be there as soon as possible,”_ he had said.)

“Thank you. It’s really nice of you. But everything was fine,” Harry replied with a weak smile. He just wanted to cuddle in bed with him and try to start feeling a bit better, even if he knew it was impossible. Not until Louis understood.

“If everything was fine, why did you leave so early? You were in there for like… forty minutes,” Alex said as he had been counting. And Harry knew he had been watching the clock every five minutes, making sure he didn’t expend too much time with Louis.

“Oh, just… Like I told you, Oliver had to go to bed. He didn’t want to because he wanted to be with me, so Louis asked me to leave,” he explained slowly, hoping it didn’t sound so much as a lie as it did in his head.

“Oh, I see. Maybe you can invite them both over tomorrow?” Alex offered. Because no matter what, he didn’t like seeing Harry sad or upset. When he was having a good day, at least.

“I think... they are busy, Al. They deserve some time on their own. Don’t worry.”

Alex didn’t seem quite content with that, mostly because he wanted Harry to be happy. But deep down, Harry knew he was actually relieved. That way he wouldn’t need to worry about Louis loving Harry and taking him away from Alex.

And that was it. Harry didn’t try to call or text Louis to fix things, because he knew how useless that would be. He had known Louis eleven years, after all. But Louis didn’t try either, and that was what really hurt. He would’ve expected Louis to think about everything Harry had said, put everything together and talk to Harry again.

Instead, he spent two weeks without even knowing about him, his mum refusing to talk to Harry about him. Alex kept his mind occupied most of the time, trying to keep him distracted as much as he could. Not even Harry knew the reason why he was so sad, why he had been sad for so long.

At that moment, Harry was packing his stuff back in the suitcase, since they would leave the following morning back to college. And then Harry would need to beg so Alex would let him come back for Christmas, which would lead to another fight. Harry was definitely not ready for that.

He was putting one of Alex’s jeans back in the suitcase, folding them carefully, when he heard a knock on the door. He looked at Alex, who was laying down in bed and playing with his phone while Harry packed for both of them, and sighed because it was obvious he wasn’t going to move. So he walked towards the door and opened it, just to see his mum.

“Harry, love. Louis is here and he wants to see you,” she said, and Harry could hear Alex shuffling on the bed uncomfortably. Harry knew he didn’t want him to see Louis, and he could feel his boyfriend’s stern look on his back.

“Oh, I… I can’t. I’m packing a-and… I can’t,” Harry said immediately, because he didn’t want to disappoint Alex and make him angry at him, no matter how much he actually wanted to see Louis. It was the worst feeling in the world.

“I’m sure packing can wait for two minutes. C’mon,” Jay insisted, and Alex coughed, waiting for Harry to say no. But Jay tugged at his hand, actually forcing him to move and giving him no chance to refuse again.

And he was so glad Anne was so oblivious to Alex’s possessive ways, because he knew she wouldn’t understand. No one would understand, actually. Louis didn’t, after all, and he _always_ understood.

Anne dragged him downstairs quite fast, scolding him and saying he couldn’t give up a friendship of ten years just because he was being silly and so many other adjectives he was sure a mother wasn’t allowed to say about their kids. He wanted to say that he _didn’t_ want to give it up, that he was being forced to by so many factors, but he remained quiet.

His mum left them alone as soon as they found Louis, who was waiting in the sitting room, holding Oliver in his arms. He looked as beautiful as always, his eyes as blue and bright as ever and his hair a bit messy, as if he had just gotten out of bed. However, the dark circles under his eyes suggested that he had been awake all night, even for a couple of days. He looked tired, and Harry wanted to take him to the nearest bed and cuddle and take care of him. But the nearest bed was probably his own one, and Alex was there. Alex was the only person he should think of cuddling with.

“Hi, Lou. What are you doing here?” he asked, biting his bottom lip nervously. He really hoped Louis wasn’t there to argue again.

Oliver was beaming when he saw Harry, making grabby hands towards him so he would hold him instead. Harry couldn’t help the smile on his face, and Louis looked quite content as he placed Oliver on Harry’s arms.

“Oh, look at you! You’re even more handsome than the last time I saw you!” Harry cooed, rubbing the baby’s back softly as he pointed out to the couch so Louis would sit down. He shook his head, though.

“I’ll be quick, yeah?” Louis said, biting his bottom lip. He probably knew Alex was upstairs and waiting. Or maybe he just could see how unsettled Harry was. “I… found this, the other day,” he explained.

Harry couldn’t understand what he meant, until he saw what he was holding in his hands. It was a silver bracelet he had given Louis the day he left for college, as a promise he would come back to him. It hurt to see it, because he didn’t keep that promise, not at all. It hurt even more to see Louis still had it.

“I wanted to give it back to you,” Louis said, and suddenly he sounded so shy. Harry was a bit confused, because he would’ve thought Louis was mad and upset about it all. Instead, he looked relaxed and quite happy.

“Why? It’s yours now, Louis. You can throw it away if you don’t want it.”

“You don’t get it, Harry,” he said as he got closer to him, offering him the bracelet. “I want you to have it. In fact, I want you to wear it every day. I want you to be reminded whenever you look at it of the promise you made one day.”

“What is this, some short of punishment?” Harry asked, frowning. He didn’t sound mad about it because he probably deserved it, he just sounded hurt. Hurt because he had never expected Louis to try and make him feel even worse on purpose.

“No, you idiot! Do you really think I’m so cruel?” Louis groaned teasingly, a smile on his lips. Harry thought he hadn’t changed one bit.

“Uh… yeah? You made me eat a worm once so I could tell you how it tasted,” Harry reminded him, because he felt that Louis was in the mood for joking. Luckily, he wasn’t wrong.

“I was _ten_! You can’t be so resentful after so many years.”

Harry rolled his eyes, and somehow he felt like he had never left for college. That they had never stopped talking, because Louis was teasing him as usual, was looking at him as usual. Harry couldn’t be happier at that moment.

“Well, I am. You thought it was okay to force an eight year old who admi-“

“Shush, Harry. I was trying to have a serious conversation here,” Louis interrupted him, and Harry shut up immediately. “I… It’s not a punishment. I want you to remember the promise, so you won’t forget to keep it. So you’ll come back to me,” Louis said finally.

Harry would’ve started crying right then and there. Louis didn’t say he was forgiven, but… he took it as he was. Because no matter what, he wanted Harry to come back, and that was more than enough.

“I mean, your mum told my mum you were leaving tomorrow and I wanted you to know that… I don’t understand. I really don’t. But I want you to explain yourself at some point. When you come back.”

Harry nodded his head and took the silver bracelet from Louis’ hand, showing it to Oliver because the boy seemed so interested on it. He was a bit shocked and didn’t really know what to say or do.

“Anyway, tell Alex I said hi. I have to go now, I have to drop Ollie in my mum’s house and then go to work. Have a safe trip, and… text me once in a while, please?”

Harry hated the way Louis sounded, so self-conscious, as if he felt like it had been his fault the first time. He knew he deserved it though, he deserved to feel as awful for hurting Louis when he had been nothing but the very best friend anyone could’ve asked for.

“I will. You’ll see. You’ll get tired of me in no time,” Harry hummed, kissing Oliver’s temple before Louis took the baby in his arms.

“You better,” was the last thing Louis said before he left the sitting room.

Harry stayed there looking at the door for a minute, feeling quite happy now. Because no matter if Louis understood or not, at least he wasn’t angry at him anymore. Which was such a relief.

He couldn’t have hidden the smile on his face even if he wanted to as he went back to his old room. Alex looked at him with raised his eyebrows, and Harry knew he was fighting between being happy because Harry was happy and being jealous and mad because of the reason Harry was happy.

“I assume it went well,” Alex murmured, and apparently he knew Louis and he hadn’t been talking at all.

“Yes, it did. He wants to see me again once I come back, and I hope it’ll be on Christmas. Maybe I’ll invite him over one d-”

“You’re not inviting him over, Harry. God, what’s wrong with you?” Alex snapped, and Harry frowned, immediately feeling so small.

“But… I… I thought…”

“No, Harry, that’s the problem with you. You don’t really think. I don’t want him over at our house, I don’t want you to see him ever again,” Alex said, frowning. “You’re not seeing him again and you’re not talking to him either. I’m sick of it, of trying to be nice to him just to see how he wins you over and tries to get you to love him!”

Harry had tears on his eyes by the time he was done talking, but he could only nod his head slowly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice raspy. Alex just huffed and turned his attention back to his phone, as if he was disgusted to even look at Harry anymore. He could only hope Alex would never find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments with constructive criticism are more than welcome, and questions, complains... anything! x


	7. Put some sense into his head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something bad happens, as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I'm really, really sorry for the delay! It's been an awful couple of weeks, and then I got sick so I couldn't really write until now. I know it's also shorter than usual, but I wanted to leave it just there. Hope you enjoy it anyway!
> 
> Next week I'll try to update twice, to compensate! 
> 
> Again, thank you for the lovely comments! ♥ Hope you enjoy!

It was something quite sad to admit, but now that he was expecting texts or calls from Harry, Louis felt so much happier. It wasn’t that Oliver didn’t make him happy enough, because he did – he didn’t need anything else apart from his son to be happy. But it was nice to have someone else apart from him.

The first two weeks after Harry had left went on quite quickly, and Louis would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking at his phone all the time, checking it just in case he had missed a call from Harry. But he never got that notification.

However, Louis could feel that this time it was going to be different. Deep down, he knew it. To the point he swallowed his pride and text him at some point, because he was so sure Harry would reply, and he didn’t lose hope. Not until it had been a month without Harry texting him back.

After that, Louis only started to feel upset and mad at himself, for allowing himself to think Harry would treat him better this time. And he started blaming himself, because it was all his fault, after all. He had been the one to become a boring parent who couldn’t go out on a Friday night and get drunk, right?

He didn’t regret Oliver, of course not. How could he regret the only thing that kept him at least a tiny bit happy? But he was just twenty one years old. He couldn’t help but try and imagine how different his life would be if he had made different choices in his past. Like going to University, get a degree in something he liked and have kids when he felt he was ready, with someone he loved and that would stay around.

But he had not made those choices when he had had the chance, and there was no going back. And no one had to know he had cried until he had fell asleep some nights, because he felt so useless and unable to give Oliver the best life he could ask for.

In the meantime, Oliver was getting bigger and bigger, and Jay was a total saint, buying him new clothes all the time and staying with him while Louis had to go to work. Louis didn’t spend as much time as he would like to with his son, but he did spend as much time as he was allowed to. He didn’t go out with friends, he didn’t try to get time on his own. Oliver was the thing that mattered the most to Louis.

A couple of months after Harry was gone, Louis was so tired and sad, and the only thing that kept him happy was to go home and cuddle in bed with Oliver. And he knew that was bad, because now Oliver wouldn’t want to leave his bed at all, but Louis was never selfish and he deserved to be selfish for once.

 One of those nights, while Oliver was asleep and laying on top of his chest and sucking on his dummy, Louis tried to keep himself calm and not to start crying _again_ – because really, how many times could you cry while your son is asleep next to you without being more than pathetic?

He was so distracted, looking up at the ceiling and thinking of his boring, lame life –Louis had always loved being dramatic, to be honest– when he felt his phone vibrating next to him. He frowned because it was so late, and he expected it to be an advert. But it wasn’t.

_‘Could you please come here?’_

Louis frowned again because it was Harry, and he was so damn confused.

_‘Please. I’m at my mum’s.’_

And God, Louis wished he could say no. He wished he could ignore Harry the same way Harry had ignored him all that time, but there was something weird in this. Harry wouldn’t ask him to go if it wasn’t necessary, he wouldn’t have gone to Anne’s house for no reason.

**_‘I’m on my way.’_ **

He tried to do his best to not wake Oliver, getting dressed with sweatpants and a hoodie as fast as he could before he took Oliver out to the car, covering him in a baby blue blanket so he wouldn’t get cold.

Thankfully, in less than ten minutes he was parking in front of Anne’s door, behind Harry’s car. He took Oliver’s car seat so he could keep sleeping, hopefully. He was so glad that nothing could wake him up, most of the times.

He didn’t even bother in knocking – he had never knocked, when he was twelve it was already his second home. No one had ever complained.

He could hear people talking in the kitchen, and that’s where he went. Harry was there, sitting down in one of the counters. Louis couldn’t see his face because Anne was in front of him, sounding quite upset. Robin was also there without saying a word, a deep frown on his face. Louis didn’t like this at all.

He placed the car seat in the floor, making sure Oliver was okay before he cleared his throat.

“Louis,” Robin said with a weak smile.

And then, Anne moved away from Harry. And Louis was actually shocked for a few seconds, not being able to look away from him, not being able to even try to breathe.

“What the fuck?” he said under his breath.

Harry was looking so damn scared. And his cheekbone and eye were all bruised, as if someone had punched him. But the worst part was that he was smiling. He was smiling at Louis, and it totally broke his heart.

“Hi, Lou. Nice to see you,” he said, sounding way too excited. This was _so wrong._

Anne looked at Louis, tears streaming down her face. And you wouldn’t need to be smart to know what had happened. But Louis still felt like he had to ask.

“What’s wrong…?”

Anne shook her head, looking back at Harry. He moved to take a bag of ice from the freezer, wrapping it with a towel before he handed it to Harry.

“Please put some sense into his head,” Anne said, and then he made a gesture to Robin to leave the kitchen.

Louis looked at Harry, who was putting the ice on his eye now, sighing at the cold feeling. He felt like he could kill someone now for hurting Harry, because Harry didn’t deserve it. He was so good and sweet and he only deserved nice things and love.

“How’s Oliver? He’s getting so big! And he looks so much like you,” he said with a smile. Louis couldn’t smile back.

“Was it Alex?” Louis muttered, looking at him. Harry nodded his head slowly, and Louis swallowed the lump in his throat. “Why?”

“We were arguing over something, I can’t even remember what. He got really angry at me. He’ll be fine in the morning, though,” Harry said, a small smile on his lips. Louis was going to get sick.

“Well, you’re not coming back to him anyway,” Louis said with a frown.

“What? Of course I am! He’s my boyfriend, Louis. We live together,” Harry mumbled. And he honestly looked so upset over it, about the fact Louis was telling him to not go back with the person who had hit him.

“You’re not. Because you have a bruised eye. You’re not going back to him,” he said again, and he felt so stupid because it was so obvious.

Harry remained quiet for a few seconds, and Louis’ couldn’t look away from his face. He had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down, to not drive to where Harry lived and kill that guy.

“I’m an adult now, you know? You don’t need to protect me like when I was an awkward teenager,” Harry said suddenly. Louis looked over at him with sad eyes, shaking his head and feeling so frustrated.

“It seems like I do,” he whispered. “Just… think about it, okay? Stay here for a few days. Give yourself some time. If you think he deserves to be forgiven… then you can go,” he said.

“I don’t need to forgive him, Lou. It was my fault, I made him angry so… I deserv-”

“Don’t you dare saying it,” Louis interrupted him, a finger pointing at him as a warning. “Don’t you dare.”

 Louis wanted to cry now, and just cuddle him. He couldn’t understand how Harry didn’t see how wrong it was.

“I can’t stay with my mum. She won’t stop crying. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place, now everyone’s upset,” Harry groaned. Louis had to actually bit his tongue to not snap at him.

“You can stay with me and Oliver. He’ll love to have you there,” Louis offered with a weak smile, biting his bottom lip.

“No, Louis. I should go back. I have to go to class and study for my exams and I need –”

“Please? I promise I won’t be too bossy or upset. And you’ll only need to take care of Ollie while I’m at work, so my mum can have a few days off. Yeah?” he tried again.

Harry seemed to think about it for a few seconds, and Louis could see in his face he gave in. He was so relieved – maybe he could try to change his mind.

“You’re awful. You know that, right?” Harry said.

Louis smiled and nodded his head, proud of being awful and being able to have Harry around.

“C’mon. It’s late and Oliver should be in bed, not in the car seat,” he whispered.

Harry nodded his head and kissed Louis cheek once he was down the counter, still holding the bag of ice against his eye. And if Louis was blushing after that, no one had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't hate me too much now! Drama is coming, can you feel it? :)


	8. Make yourself at home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry stays for a few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Sorry for the delay, but this week has been hectic. I've had to work so many hours and I was exhausted :(
> 
> Very sad news on Friday, Jay was a great person loved by everyone and I really hope Louis and his family are doing okay. I'm so proud of him, and Jay is too♥
> 
> As usual, thanks for the comments and the kudos!

The ride back home was… a bit weird. Harry had insisted to sit in the back seat next to Oliver, and he spent the whole ten minutes it took watching the baby like he had never seen anything more precious. And if Louis was drooling a bit at that sight, looking at them through the rear mirror so fondly, no one but him had to know.

Once they were home, Harry insisted in carrying Oliver, and Louis couldn’t really say no. So he just led him inside the building and into the lift. He couldn’t help but stare at Harry, at how he was watching Oliver even if he was only asleep. And he felt so happy, but at the same time, it was really hard to look at Harry. Because he was hurt, and he was probably really upset, and he wasn’t showing it at all. He was keeping a calm and relaxed face, for Louis.

He asked Harry to put Oliver on his crib as soon as they were inside of the apartment, since it seemed like he wasn’t going to allow Louis near his son ever again. And somehow, the feeling of Harry loving his son as much as he did made Louis’ heart feel so warm and full.

When Harry came back, Louis had changed into his pyjamas once more and was putting a blanket on the couch carefully, smiling at Harry once he saw him.

“I’ve just changed the sheets on my bed, so it’s totally safe to sleep there,” Louis said.

“Remember that time you didn’t change your sheets in almost two months? I’ll never forget the smell,” Harry murmured seriously before he started laughing. Louis just pouted. “You were such a mess, Lou. You can’t deny that. Being a parent is doing wonders to you, making you all responsible,” he kept teasing Louis.

“Shush, Harold, or you’ll sleep on the floor. You should be _thanking me_ that I’m letting you sleep in my amazing bed while I have to try and get comfortable on this shitty couch,” he groaned.

“We are both sleeping in your bed,” Harry said quickly, a small frown on his lips.

And then Louis’ could see it. His façade was falling down now. He wasn’t keeping a calm, relaxed face anymore. Louis moved almost immediately to put his arms around his body, feeling like that way he could keep all of Harry’s pieces together. Maybe even save him.

“Only if you promise not to kick me in your sleep,” Louis said softly, trying to get a smile out of Harry. Luckily, it worked. Even if it was a really tiny, weak smile.

“Deal.”

Harry borrowed some of Louis’ clothes, even if they were a bit small on him. And then he took over the left side of the bed and went to sleep right away, not giving Louis any time to talk about what had happened. On the other hand, Louis watched Harry for a while. He looked at the bruises on his face and wondered if that was the first time that it had happened, wondered if Harry was going to be dumb enough to come back.

Louis got lost in the sight of Harry for an hour or two, appreciating how calmed he looked, how young and fragile. And thinking about everything, thinking about how he might be able to help him. It was around five in the morning when he finally felt like he could fall asleep, feeling more tired than ever but… somehow happier. And more confused and upset at the same time.

He woke up around ten to an empty bed. He was surprised he hadn’t heard Oliver that morning, and he was going to stand up and go running to his room to see what was wrong, until he heard it. He heard Harry talking to Oliver in the distance, making the baby giggle.

Louis shook his head fondly and decided to take his time then, since it seemed Oliver was in great hands and Harry was enjoying it. He went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and then put some clothes on him before he went to the kitchen, hair still wet and dripping a bit.

“Seems like you’re having so much fun without me,” Louis said as soon as he entered the door. Harry looked at him with the biggest smile, Oliver in one arm as he cooked some pancakes. Harry was a blessing.

“Morning, Lou,” Harry said. Oliver made grabby hands to Louis, and he complied happily, taking his son on his arms. “He woke up around… seven, maybe? You looked so exhausted, and I thought it was only fair if I went to get him. I got him all ready and gave him his breakfast. Then we were playing for a bit, and now we were making breakfast for you,” he explained slowly.

Louis smiled at him and kissed Oliver’s forehead softly. There was something so domestic about it that made him a bit sad, because he didn’t want to get used to this and then lose it again. He couldn’t lose Harry again.

“Thanks for that, Harry. It’s been months since the last time I could sleep more than him,” he said with a small chuckle. Harry just smiled at that.

The three of them had an amazing, wonderful morning, and it was all thanks to Harry. Oliver was more than happy to have him around, probably because Harry wasn’t as boring as Louis and made all kind of stuff that always made the baby laugh and giggle. Louis had to work in the afternoon, but he trusted Harry with Oliver.

“Anything I should know before you leave?” Harry asked nervously, and Louis smiled fondly.

“Just… make sure he eats the baby food at the times I told you. It’s all in the fridge, you don’t have to do anything. And then he has to sleep a nap around three for an hour, but don’t let him sleep more than that or he won’t sleep properly at night,” he said, trying to think of something else, but that was pretty much it. “Make yourself at home. You can get anything you want to eat or take a shower or whatever. I’ll be here around seven, yeah?” he added with a soft smile.

“Thanks, Lou. We’ll miss you!” Harry said with a smile, and Louis rolled his eyes when he made Oliver wave. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Oliver’s head before he turned around and left the apartment, leaving a key for Harry just in case he wanted to go out for a walk or something.

As promised, he came back at seven. Harry had called him a few times during his shift because he was freaking out of the tiniest things, like why Oliver had coughed or what he should do because he couldn’t find his dummy. It was actually so cute, and he cared so much about Oliver.

When he entered the apartment, he could see Harry sitting on the couch with Oliver on his lap, talking on the phone. He had tears on his face, and Louis couldn’t help frowning because he immediately knew what was going on.

“… of course I love you. Why are you asking that?” Harry said, his eyes closed because he didn’t dare to look at Louis. “I promise I’m coming back. I just need a couple of days… You promised you would never do it again… I know you love me, Alex. Just give me two days,” Harry said, sounding so desperate to comfort Alex. And Louis actually felt sick on the stomach.

“Haz…?” Louis called out, just wanting him to hang up the phone.

“I’m staying with my mum. Please don’t come. I’ll be back, I promise. I love you,” Harry whispered, wiping at his eyes before he hung up. Oliver was looking at the TV distractedly, not paying attention at all. “Hey,” he said.

Louis took a deep breath before he sat down next to Harry, a small frown on his face as he wiped Harry’s eyes slowly.

“He called me because he missed me. He was crying and I- I need to go back,” Harry explained, closing his eyes. Louis was mad, he was really upset and… sad. He didn’t want Harry to go with Alex. He didn’t want him to go at all.

“Harry… he hit you because you were arguing. How many times does he need to do it before you realise he’s not good for you?” he asked slowly trying to remain calm, trying to show Harry that he was on his side and trying to help him.

“He’s good to me. He just doesn’t know how to… contain his anger. I can deal with that,” Harry whispered. “He’s a really good boyfriend and he cares about me, Lou. He really does,” he kept saying, tears still in his eyes.

“He’s not good to you as long as he’s hurting you, Haz. And you’re not happy right now,” he said slowly. Harry thought about it for a few seconds before he shook his head.

“No. I’m not,” he admitted.

And then Louis felt like he could breathe again. Because Harry had admitted he wasn’t happy, and the fact made Louis very upset, but at the same time it was a relief. That just meant Harry was starting to realise, didn’t it?

“Stay here for a few more days, yeah? Let me show you how happy you can feel if you don’t go back to him. Please?” he tried. “Until the bruise in your face is totally gone. Then, if I haven’t convinced you at all, you can leave,” he promised, looking at him with eyes full of hope. Harry took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said after a whole minute in silence. Louis smiled widely and nodded his head. “I can’t understand why you care so much,” he whispered.

Louis shook his head then and didn’t reply. He didn’t either. Harry had only treated him like shit for the past year, but he only wanted him to see him happy and smiling.

“We can order some take out from that Chinese restaurant you loved for tonight? How does it sound?”

****

The days went on quite fast, and Harry’s bruise was getting better. Louis knew he should be happy for that, but he wasn’t. Because that meant Harry was going to come back no matter what, and it hurt.

He tried to give him more options, like changing to a college that was closer to where Louis’ lived where he could do the exact same degree, how he could even live with his mum or Louis and drive there. He tried to show him how happy he could be if he stayed there, how much Oliver loved him, how much Louis cared about him.

And to be fair, Harry looked better. He looked less upset and more relaxed, but he wasn’t convinced at all. Alex had made sure to make him believe no one would want him around but him. That was something Harry hadn’t said, but Louis could see on how unsure he looked whenever Louis did something good for him, showed him how much he appreciated him, with small touches or meaningless words.

He could see how his face lit up whenever he offered him to choose what he wanted Louis to cook for dinner, when he bought him a t-shirt he had loved in a shop, when he had kissed his cheek lovingly as a way to say thank you for taking such good care of Oliver. But he still didn’t believe Louis when he said Alex wasn’t good for him.

One day, Harry met with a friend from high school, someone he hadn’t seen in ages. And Louis waited up for him, because now he found strange to go to bed without Harry.

He came home late, around four in the morning. And he smelt like alcohol and sweat, and he had lipstick all over his face, which made Louis frown.

“Hi Lou!” he said, all excited. He remembered that one time when Louis turned 18 and was able to buy alcohol, and they both got so, so drunk. Harry had always been the happy drunk, singing and dancing and laughing at everything – it was the cutest thing. “I kissed a girl today. Katy Perry was wrong, I didn’t like it,” he said with a pout, as if she had disappointed him.

Louis laughed and made him sit down in the couch, hoping he wouldn’t be too loud. He didn’t want him to wake Oliver.

“You had a good time, I assume,” he said jokingly. Harry nodded his head with a wide smile.

“Yes! We went to that club… Mercantile? Something like that. Everyone was buying me drinks, even though I had expected everyone to not even look at me. Kyle was nice. You need to meet him Lou! He’s great,” he said.

“I already know him Harry,” he said with a small chuckle.

“I hope Alex doesn’t mind… I hope he never finds out. You know? He doesn’t let me go out with friends anymore, unless he’s there with me. It’s awful,” Harry said, and he started to sound less excited and happy. “God, how can I love him so much?” he whispered. “He’s a fucking arse.”

Louis frowned and moved to take Harry’s hand, trying to comfort him and make him feel protected, not alone.

“He only makes me feel bad about what I like, about what I don’t like. He says even an idiot can study Art, but he can’t even draw a car. He says my clothes are too extravagant and my hair is too long. He told me once my mum was stupid for having me. He makes me hate every single thing about myself,” he whispered, and he sounded so broken.

Louis was tearing up now, because he hated it. Harry only deserved one who made him feel good about himself, someone who loved every single thing about him. Harry looked so damn sad now, and so angry.

“But you make me so happy Lou. In these days you’ve made me so happy. You’re always complimenting me and making me smile. Why didn’t I fall in love with you, instead of him?”

And Louis froze, because he hadn’t realise the moment Harry had gotten so close to him, to his face. He placed his hand on Louis’ cheek, and Louis’ heart skipped a beat.

“Can I?” Harry asked suddenly, brushing Louis’ bottom lip with his thumb slowly. Louis swallowed, not really knowing what he was supposed to do. In the end, he nodded his head once, not looking away from Harry.

And just then, he felt Harry’s lips against his, soft and slow, caring. Louis wasn’t able to move, to react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> This week I'm going home to spend Christmas with my family (I'm living in Ireland for now, but I'm from Spain!) so I don't know if I'll be able to post any chapters! I hope I can update at least once. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! x And Merry Christmas!


	9. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has some doubts, and Alex comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I'm so, so sorry it's been so long since last chapter! Holidays were so busy and I haven't really stopped since I've come back, but finally, here it is. 
> 
> Hope everyone had great holidays! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone reading and commenting and leaving kudos, you're great!

It was weird, kissing Harry. Louis had thought kissing a boy would be way rougher and less passionate than that, more teeth and tongue. Instead, all he could feel was Harry’s soft lips against his, as if he was trying to show Louis how much he meant to him through a simple kiss. It felt way better than most kisses he had ever had, and it scared the living crap out of him.

That was why Louis wasn’t able to move. He felt like he couldn’t kiss Harry back, but at the same time he didn’t want to pull away. So he was just there, letting Harry kiss him for as long as he wanted without even blinking — or did he have his eyes closed? He didn’t know.

Harry didn’t seem to mind that Louis wasn’t kissing him back though, because he kept kissing him for almost two whole minutes. 113 seconds, to be precise. Not that Louis wasn’t counting in his head each second that passed by, that would be weird and creepy. When he finally pulled back, he looked at Louis with watery eyes. He was crying even before Louis could try and think of something smart to say.

“I’m so sorry Lou,” Harry mumbled, sniffling. He hid his face on his own hands, but that didn’t cover the pitiful sounds he was making. Louis couldn’t feel worse.

Immediately, Louis reached out and wrapped both arms around Harry’s body, pulling him so close to him, probably even hurting the boy a bit but he couldn’t even start to care about it, just needing to comfort his friend. Harry buried his face on Louis’ neck then, getting it all wet with his tears and causing Louis to feel some discomfort in his skin, but he couldn’t care about that either.

It reminded Louis of that time someone had mocked Harry’s hair. He was only 14, so self-conscious and innocent. He had been crying for a whole hour in Louis’ bed, and Louis had been holding in the same way until he had felt a bit better. He had been trying to make Harry laugh the whole time, telling stupid jokes that made no sense or telling him silly stories of when they were just kids, and finally, Harry had let out a soft giggle.

This time it was different though. He couldn’t think of anything to say to try and calm him down, comfort him. Perhaps because he was older and more mature and he understood the need of just having someone that’d hold you while you cried without saying a word. Something he hadn’t had when he had felt like he could use it. Or maybe it was because of the guilt.

Because he was feeling so damn guilty. He felt like he had taken advantage of Harry somehow. He was drunk and upset and he was really not able to make the best decisions at that moment, and Louis was supposed to be the one who thought rationally for the both of them. Instead, he had allowed Harry to kiss him. And he had _liked_ it, which made it ten times worse.

As a consequence, Harry wouldn’t stop crying in his arms. And all Louis could do was rub his back and try to comfort him that way, make him feel like he wasn’t alone. It took ten minutes for Harry to stop crying this time, but Louis had felt like it had been a whole week.

“God, I’m such a mess,” Harry whispered, rubbing at his eyes to wipe away his tears. He didn’t move away from Louis’ arms, and Louis didn’t try to push him away.

“Yes you are,” Louis said, finally talking for the first time since Harry had kissed him. He was obviously just teasing, trying to stop feeling so… weird. Harry nudged his side, playfully. And just like that, it seemed like the kiss had never happened, even if Louis couldn’t stop thinking about it, about how it good it had felt to have Harry’s lips moving against his.

“I think… I think I need a shower,” Harry said in the end, pulling away now from Louis’ embrace finally and looking at him with a tiny smile that didn’t even look good. “Go to bed, Lou. It’s late.”

And Louis complied.

****

The following three days went by quickly. Harry never brought up the kiss subject, and Louis didn’t, either. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say anyway.

Harry tried to spend as much time as he could with Oliver and Louis. He stayed with Oliver whenever Louis had to go to work, cooked dinner and did the laundry, and he was just so thankful for having his help around the house, because it gave him at least half an hour a day to relax for a bit, and he had missed it so much.

He knew Harry was going to go back soon, though. He could feel it. He looked at Louis in _that_ way, as if he was saying ‘sorry, but I have to go’. Louis couldn’t stop trying to think of ways to make Harry stay, but every way sounded even more stupid than the other one.

The previous night he had talked with Harry about it. He had asked him why he wanted to go back to someone who made him so unhappy, and Harry had shook his head.

“He doesn’t make me unhappy. He actually makes me quite happy,” he had said, and Louis had wanted to scream at him. It was such a lie, Harry himself had told him that himself. “I mean, sometimes we argue, but most of the times he’s not bad. I promise, Lou. Plus, who would want me if it’s not him?”

“Oliver and I want you here,” Louis had tried, his voice broken because it was so true. “We want you here and happy.”

Harry then had focused on the TV that was turned on, some reruns of How I Met Your Mother on. He had smiled softly at something silly Barney had said, before looking back at Louis.

“But Oliver is not my son. And you don’t want me in that way.”

And that had been it. Louis hadn’t tried to talk anymore, and Louis hadn’t either. He had started to think about Harry’s words, though. He couldn’t stop thinking about them, about how he was feeling. Harry was just a friend, his best friend, and a kiss didn’t have to change that. But somehow, it was.

Louis was totally freaking out about it. It had been happening since they had kissed, and it was probably going to keep happening until his dying day, because he just couldn’t get it out of his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Harry’s lips had felt so soft against his own, how he wanted Harry to kiss him again, how he wanted to try and kiss him back this time. And at the same time he didn’t want to even hear Harry mentioning the kiss, because Louis had always been straight and he didn’t want to change it. As if it was his own decision.

Louis was coming back from work, the kiss still on his head as he opened the door. Harry was singing out loud, some silly, nursery song, and Oliver was giggling like crazy. Louis really loved coming home to things like that.

“Hey Lou!” Harry said all excited from the sitting room, taking Oliver in his arms and almost running to say hi to Louis. He took off his coat and dropped his keys in the small table next to the door, smiling at them once the two of them were there.

“Hi,” he whispered, pulling his arms out so Harry would place Oliver in his arms. The boy immediately nuzzled into Louis’ chest because he had missed him, and Louis loved him so damn much.

“So, Oliver here is starting to babble a lot. He might say his first word soon enough, Lou!” Harry said all excited, and Louis let out a soft laugh, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “What? I did some research. It’s good that they babble,” he tried, shaking his head a bit embarrassed.

“Ollie, tell Harry he’s being silly,” Louis he said, kissing the top of the baby’s head. Oliver just ignored them and started purring his lips, dribble falling down his chin.

“I’m not b-” Harry started, but he was interrupted by a knock on the door. He frowned slightly. “I’ll get it,” he said, telling Louis to sit down with his finger. Louis complied because he had missed Oliver so much and he just wanted to spend some quality time with him before it was bed time.

But he couldn’t help but eavesdrop. Harry had opened the door and he was talking with someone outside, even if Louis couldn’t tell who or what they were saying. Until that person invited themselves into the house, and he knew then who it was.

“I went to your mum’s house and she told me you were here,” Alex said, and Louis suddenly didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. “You know I don’t like lies, Harry,” he added.

“I’m sorry Al. I’m just helping him out with the kid, he needs someone to stay with him while he’s w-“

“Shut up, Harry, will you?” Alex interrupted him and Louis frowned, just wanting to get out there and kick him out of the house, maybe call the police. He didn’t know. “You run away so you can play mummy here? That’s just ridiculous. He doesn’t want you here. Why would he? He’s only using you!”

Louis just couldn’t take it. He went out to the whole, Oliver still in his arms because it made him feel more calmed, a bit safer.

“Who the fuck are you to say if I want him or not here, huh?” he said, angrily. Alex raised his eyebrows at him before he just laughed. “I do want him here. He’s a wonderful human being who makes me so happy and yet he’s with a fucking idiot like you.”

“Let’s go home, Harry,” Alex said simply.

Of course Alex wasn’t going to pick on a fight with Louis. Of course he wasn’t because deep down he was just a coward who would only mess with those that weren’t going to defend themselves.

“Stay, Harry. Please,” Louis tried, looking at him. He seemed like he was about to cry, glassy eyes and a small pout on his lips.

“I-I’m sorry Lou, I need to go home. It’s been too long,” Harry whispered, looking down at his own hands. This was so wrong.

“Harry,” he whispered trying to reach out for him. “You don’t have to. Please.”

“C’mon Harry, take your stuff. I’ll be waiting in the car,” Alex said and he just left the house, and Louis was just confused, he didn’t know what he could do to make Harry stay.

“Lou, I’ll be fine. He… He’s my boyfriend, and I love him. I’ll be fine,” Harry promised.

He quickly moved to go get his own things from inside of the apartment, and Louis was stuck to the place. He couldn’t stop thinking, his mind racing. He was terrified of Harry leaving, going back to Alex and get hurt over and over again. He couldn’t stand the idea. That’s why then he moved. He went into the sitting room and placed Oliver in his play mat, knowing he’d be fine on his own for two minutes.

After that, he went into his bedroom, where Harry was putting some clothes in a bag, and Louis just couldn’t help himself. He got closer to him and looked at him for a few seconds. And then he dared to do it. He cupped his face with both hands and pressed his lips together, softly.

He had never thought he would’ve dared to kiss Harry, but he had. He was kissing him, slowly, lovingly. Trying to make him stay there, where he would be safe, and wanted, and happy. He pulled back only after a few seconds though, hoping his point had been made.

“Stay,” he said one las time, looking at him with eyes full of hope.

“I wish I could,” were Harry last words.

And like that, Harry was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! x


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